As a freshmen in college I was good at a lot of things, interacting with women was not one of them. One story my friends are fond of retelling took place in the community laundry room. Since the first week of school I had found one particular hall mate quite attractive. I had no idea how to approach her and devised an awesome plan. I would give her a gift, and not just any gift, an entire box of cookies! This was a sizable chunk of my meal plan for the week. While she was doing her laundry, I practically ran into the room, deposited the box of cookies into her stunned hands and bolted out. I failed to notice one of my best friends in the corner and have never lived the tale down.
Have you ever found yourself pursuing a goal only to turn around and do the exact opposite of what’s required to achieve it?
Reading the book the Pursuit of Perfect, I just stumbled upon an interesting self reflection tool.
The author describes a pair of motivations that people try to satisfy. Self verification and self enhancement. Self enhancement pushes people to seek out feedback that they are great. Self verification drives people to seek out feedback that verifies their own self image. When your self image lines up with your goals, these motivations work in tandem to create success. When your self image and goals conflict, the result is unsatisfying erratic half steps and false starts. I desperately wanted this girl to like me, and at the time I knew I did not understand the first thing about attracting a woman.
The next time set my mind to a goal, I’ll take a moment to make sure it aligns with my self image. I might just save myself a box of cookies.
